Now, Bilbo Baggins is a silly name,
As Bilbo's Basque for Bilbao, which is fine,
But would you call your son that name? Not mine!
And Baggins - well, I'd have to ask my dame.
And Legolas? That's mental, calling forth
Crazed visions of, yes, lego, and of girls,
But also legless women, drunken churls,
And other things quite common in the north.
And Gandalf - nicked from Old Icelandic verse -
Will be Sir I. McKellen's "thing he did",
Like British Telecom, when they "told Sid".
But wait - than this there's something even worse:
Galadriel was played by lovely Cate,
Whom if she took those ears off I would date.